what is like to be standing there alone when everyone just starts walking away and all you can do is stand down there pondering will someone pop by.


Just reached home not long after catching Enchanted with Daniel, Shi Jie and Gordon. Another midnight show. Been sometime since I caught a movie with the guys. Now busying doing songsheet for cg later. Thank God is just 5 mins walk from my house. At the same time thinking about the cg game. Thought of one after some time. Hopefully ok..reuse an old game which we nv play for a long time. Wanted to come out with a fresh game but my brain has been pronounce dead. When I wake up later than see can come out with another new idea anot.

I think the last few days been really quite some tough days. Been seriously thinking about this matter. Though I really hope that a way can be made but I guess it might not happen at all and it make me feel like not going on with the plan that I had in mind for months. Still I hope God do make a way if it is possible.

Sunday, had lunch with Charmaine and the cg at airport. While we were just resting after lunch, Vanessa asked me whether will I carry this bag that Han Xian was carrying I said no cause is not something that I will dare to carry. Think I look weird and don't think I will be able to pull it off. So she asked me to try so I tried it and Charmaine say is so not like me. Ok I must say whatever I want to try something new Charmaine will definately tell me "don't la so not like you" haha. After that she told me try carry her handbag, asked me to pose one take photo. Ok I thinking quite sporting ah quite game for anything so let Van take a pic of me with Char furry handbag. Little did I know after the whole thing, and they were discussing during thanksgiving cg which category I wanna get nominated. Van go tell her manhood award than put up this photo *slap forehead". So embarrassing! I pray that that photo never appear during zone thanksgiving. Thank God not many saw me do that at airport quite relief. Van if you are reading please keep the agreement don't send it out! Don't think will post it as well. Later server crash haha.

Everytime I give my tithe I will always write behind the flap that God will bless me financially. I mean I am no longer supported by my parents. I am earning 950 a month helping my auntie. But I have decided to move to newer pasture. During dinner on sunday with my family my parents asked me to go help my uncle and work under my cousin. Was quite reluctant. But as the conversation goes on I begin to relent and just think that if everything ok I will just work for my uncle. The benefits quite good if there is a chance can get to go Hongkong. I remember when I sow to the building fund I was telling God, God I want a new job that pays me $1,000 or more. So I am hoping I will get it and just learn something before I go into the army. I think my dad now looking for one of us to take over his business. Well just learn some management skills and what my futures hold I don't know.

Right now I am looking forward to end my current job. I remember I was like getting negative about the job sometimes angry. But the last few days I just begin to thank God for this current job and my auntie for hiring me. Thank God for everything thank her for everything as well. Now just hope can get a new job and at the mean time relax enjoy the breakaway camp.

Been sometime since I give BS. Thought of giving but with my busy schedule find it hard now that I have a chance to give. Tmrw must try to work out something so that I can find time to give. But dread giving on sat because have cg and with the new change I will be serving once every 2 weeks instead of 3. Sunday after service I just want to spend time with my cg and friends before I head for home. Sigh..just got to rack my brain and find a way.

This sat busy day, after cg charmaine wanna meet don't know is about what thing and after that got to go down expo at 7pm for a ministry briefing regarding the new change. Hope in between can rest.

Next week though I have a wish but don't think it will come to pass. And I also don't know whether to pass or not to pass. Quite in a cross road.

Labels: desires, Sunday Fellowship

Last week during cg, Charmaine was preaching and one of the sermon point was having security and knowing who you are in the Lord. Next she mention, she won't because asked Wen Kai, Serena, Valerie and myself to lead certain things in cg and than having people ask wow they are doing a good job and than feel insecure about it. And she said this in fact I think I learnt something from them because they did a good job. I must say I thought I did not do quite well but for Charmaine to say this on Sat was really a compliment. Really thank God for the chance!

Last week was the last time I get to serve with my team due to some of them going over to Jurong West. Had a long weekend services with Rev Ulf. Beside Emerge this could be the longest service I had to serve. Well thought that I did not do a good job. Been wanting to eliminate errors. But commit 2 similar error. Although my IC say is miscom between me and the tv crew but I still feel is my fault if i could be more zai be more firm with my decision I would not have made that error by flashing Pst Ulf title bar at the wrong time. Learnt a lesson got to see the situation before asking the tv crew to give me a mid-shot of pst. Sunday, pst was introducing his new book and I was asked to flash the slide that intro his new book. Instead of that I was not sharp and observant did not notice that the source was not change and up came the verse. I think that error cause my IC some trouble. As I was walking home after work I realise that the year is coming to an end and in a flash is going to be 1 year for me in this ministry. I thought that I have learnt and improve along the months but last weekend episode tells another story. Just got to learn and improve. I don't wanna commit the same mistake over and over. Wanna eliminate all this errors and give a good show. Well the next time I serve will be the last week of Nov i guess probably with some changes but I will still look forward and conquer and eliminate all errors.

Today my big brother finally reached back home. Was hoping he buy something home but all he got was choc, sweets, chips for me. Well better than nothing. I was thinking now that he is back i need not reach home before 10pm. But than this thought enter my mind..is because I made a decision to reach home everyday before 10pm thats why my relationship with my parents got better and is the best that I can remember! So no matter what until I enter NS i will continue to be back by 10pm. The first thing when my bro reached home, my mom told me to carry his stuffs to his room because his australia training cause his foot to be swollen and is bleeding whole foot lan. Now they are at the hospital. Shall wait for them to come home before I go to bed.

Well yesterday, accompany my mom to the supermarket after dinner. Actually this is the first time I see my dad tag along. Partly also because of me as I felt that waste of time after dinner at fish & co than go hm take the other car out. So my dad in a sense reluctant say ok to it. Guess he needed to rush back to do his work. Rarely will I join my family on a Sunday. Yesterday heard my mom say very boring on sunday when all 3 of us not at home. Thank God i made the decision to go home after a short fellowship with Charmaine and the cg at tamp. If not no one help her with the groceries and I would not get to eat fish & co. I think for my parents also quite sian. 3 sons but than like no children like that. 2 went to army the other one so active in church. I think I must start sparing more thoughts for them. Be back early on Sunday.

My computer have been with me I think 9 years and already very terminally ill. I decide to ask my dad can I change. Arise and Build already started. Alone I cannot do it. Wah he agree to change my com and my request was instead of a monitor I want a tv. I always wanted a tv in my room. I have everything I could ask for in my room except a tv. Really thank God for this huge blessing. Probably get it done by Nov. God never fail to answer my desires.

Still pondering to give or not to give. Well God tell me shld I and is it wise.

Labels: blessing, chorus board, family

This morning receive a call, if ask me I really still have doubt over the call and don't really hold much of a hope. But now I really pray is not a scam or anything. I need it to happen for me that would be the greatest miracle I will experience.

Just came back not long from Valerie's place. She moving to my neighbourhood and needed someone to help her move some stuffs to her new place. Add another new damage to the toyota harrier. Sigh..nothing to say except is my fault. Shall hold full responsibility for it. Hope that the cost of repairing the car will not be high if not my pocket will suffer with building fund started already. But a got a feeling that I will be able to escape it. Yes must have faith in God that I no need to pay for the repair. That will be a great testimony.

Await my final fate..the hand that feeds the family is not home yet. Patiently waiting....i think I hear the car approaching the car porch. Now is the time!

Last week, my member called me at 2 plus. Once in a while will receive calls at this time. Not angry or anything. Rather I feel glad that they actually turn to me and actually thought of me and share with me their problems. Can't say that I can give great advice or anything but one thing I can guarantee is no matter what time is it no matter how tired I am I wil still lend my ears to whoever needs it. Following day was service and need to go queue up but I think is all worthwhile able to help out someone.

Will move on from my current job at the end of the month. Probably will take a month break before I look for another job. Finally told my auntie about it. Had fear telling her in a sense I feel will like dui bu qi her like that. But yesterday my mom no need to work, while taking a walk with her to Secret Recipe spoke to her about this issue, she encouraged me to call her and tell her when we reach home. Did just that. Glad that I have one less issue to worry about.

The last 1 month I have been thinking of giving an amount from my salary. On Tuesday night I finally gave slightly more than a tenth of my salary to my mom. Must admit it was tough to part with the money but had this thinking that if every month I can give a tenth to God howcome I cannot give a tenth to my parents, the hands that fed me for 20 years. I must say is not much and probably my parents don't really need it also. However all these years I wanted my parents to get save but was unsuccessful.

And it happen that there is this primary 6 boy who is my team decide to came to cg without his brother tagging along. And I really put in my best to try to make him feel comfortable. Thank God for my CGMs as well they help to make him feel welcome. He originally told me that he don't want to come for cg until next year when he is settle in his new sec school. But because we took the extra step and therefore he became open towards us and make it easier to integrate him.

All these years my parents have been great towards me and my brothers. Even when I have no money in my bank my dad will always transfer money to me. But this time round I have decided to do something take the extra step and to honor my parents. I think my mom was touched, can't say much about my dad because my mom took the money and joke about it saying that he is rich enough no need the money. That explain why she decide to buy secret recipe cheese cake because of my decision to contribute.

Though it means lesser money to spend and with building fund coming this weekend, still believe that God will still bless me and make sure that I am not in lack financially. At least one thing I can say is I am nearing one of my goal. So looking forward to building fund. Remembered I told Charmaine that each year I want to see myself giving more than the previous year and indeed I am able to.

As compared to previous years, this year building fund mean even more to me because this time round I am giving through my own pocket. To put it more correctly the last 3 or 4 times that I gave to the building fund it was from the pocket money that I receive from my parents. In a sense felt like is not me who give buy my parents who give but this time round I am no longer on their payroll and I am giving through my own salary.

Actually, all these years i may not have experience wow blessing but God have bless me in other areas that I was harboring in my heart. This year esp my relationship with my parents and brothers have gone up to another level. Last time when we were young we really gave our parents a tough time but I have seen how good God is. My big bro at Australia now and he will think of us and he called just now to ask me what I want he see whether he can buy for me anot. My twin bro at tekong and I am the only one left and the last 2 months I have grown even closer to my parents which I am loving every moment of it.

Gonna be a busy week, finish calling my members, still got ministry members to call. May have to organise the ministry outing which will on next week. Next week have to serve and must remind myself to manage my time properly if not I will be rushing for time again.

Time to go work on my prayer meeting message. Need to spend some time on it. Just realise that need to msg Charmaine today to inform her about the message I am going to share but it keep on slipping off my mind. Must start to buck up. Share a good word esp when this week is build fund.

Labels: building fund, family, work

Tat Kwek
21 years old

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