Sunday, October 30, 2005
♥ 1:47 PM
Spinning: "Melody" - David Tao
Today had our combine zone cg meeting. Whole thing was great for the first time called to be game master for the ice breaker because my best friend sick so cover up for him. I think today offering msg was great, Shaun share the offering msg with us and even add in his liking to andy lau which got the crowd to laugh. But nonetheless is good. Sermon today was great esp when it is the Holy Spirit that led Charmaine to share it with us. Useful msg I must say because the sermon is just what I need to get me more pump up.
Off for the zone outing than...the outing wah super tired. Went to Chinatown than to Bugis than to Orchard and finally the last place at kallang. The games are great, new concept. Don't think I played anything similar to it before. Thankfully I have great team mates..enough to win 3rd prize $40 Gelare voucher but the bounty got to be share with another team from another cg because we came in tied in 3rd position. 3rd time I led my team to victory again but is not just by myself but together with my whole team, team 18. Yup is team work that got us our victory. Thanks guys. Had a great time with them! Favourite part of all to finish 3 bowls of ice kachang in the shortest time. Sorry Lincoln, think u ate only 3 mouthful before I gobble everything.
When all of us are dismiss, was surprise, Shaun offer to take cab and drop me and carol at bedok. Wow what a good day. Tmr is Carol birthday..had in mind to ask her for dinner on friday but it rain than she had BS so move it to today. Gave her her present glad she like it. Spend some time looking around at espirit before deciding on that shirt. Had a great dinner at 85 market one of my favourite hunt for good food. Its been so long since I been there with my food buddy carol. Shall go back there another day.
Friday, October 28, 2005
♥ 5:56 PM
Spinning: "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" - Aerosmith
What does it take to fulfill ones heart?
What does it take to keep the lonely nights away?
What does it take to keep the blues away?
One small request is that all too tough?
But nonetheless not my will but Yours...
tell me what is Your plan for me will You?
If it does not bear fruits...
make me move on...
is all too tough.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
♥ 5:31 PM
Spinning: "Last Thing On My Mind" - Leann Rimes feat Ronan Keating
Today went for zone prayer meeting. I believe that today meeting is not going to go down the drain but all the prayers is gonna be send to God by His angel. Praying that this coming saturday Zone Outing name Escapade is gonna be huge success. Today Charmaine said this many of us down here we have not have all our goals fulfill but thank God that we still have 2 more months to try to fulfill our goals. How true is it still got some goals not yet fulfill. Need God more and more in my life. Without Him I am nothing. Looking back, in my heart I am pinning and yearning for more and more for the Lord. Can't change by my ownself, need Him to do to help me.
Recently felt that I becoming more and more like a vampire. It seems that my bed and myself we are sticking by each other more and more closely. Weiming, tried to get me to leave house since don't know what time to accompany him, but I linger in my bed till 4.30pm. In the end could not meet him. Shall make it up to him tomorrow. Got to do something about it. School starting soon...dread it...if I don't change my sleeping pattern now I am gonna struggle to get up for school.
Monday, October 24, 2005
♥ 5:33 PM
Spinning: "Everyday I Love You" - Boyzone
Friday, did not have one of the best day. While on my way down to church for overnight prayer meeting, made another mistake in my attendance. For how many times, I frankly do not know. Clearly my leader wasn't happy got on the wrong end but nonetheless I learn something again even though I made this same mistake over and over again. Can't deny I was feeling lousy that day. Was really asking myself softly God am I really one whom you called, why is this happening again and again. I need a change a major change. Was thinking through should I ask for a break. It seem that I have lost the purpose of what I am doing. God as I slowly find back the first love I have for You, You too help me to find back the first love that got me to where I am today. Had this revelation during cg, there is a saying the longer you are in Christ the harder for you to be disciple, was thinking back the past few sermon, I don't know how true it is but it seem that the older we are in Christ the more we take prayer lightly and not see the significant of it. As such, it got me to go back to the past where we were all young in the Lord where all of us take prayer so seriously, coming into that secret place we call the prayer closet even though we do not know what to pray. Hulk Hogan once said this in the prime of his wrestling career something like "train hard, say our prayers and take our vitamins." The last thing I should do is say my prayers. What else can I do except to come unto the Lord and pray. For His words says "ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." I must say pressure is starting to mount on me, the burden I carry is far to great for me. At the last session of the prayer meeting, Pastor Tan prayed for the congregation something about pressure. Felt recharge in the spirit, felt a assuring word as God says "For my yoke is easy and My burden is light". Thank God, on the meeting manage to get rid of my empty feeling, God is good all the time, for He done exceedingly and abundantly one could ever ask of Him, not just 1 sec but more than 1 sec.
Today, I made a decision to continue to persevere on. I don't want to take a break but trust God in all that I do. Slowly along my journey with Him find back the purpose the passion. I don't want to bow down right now. Got to be made into a pillar by God. Many times my decision had been found in a violence sea but again God spoke something through the message Pastor Kong share and calm the raging sea. How true it is the days of a believer is liken to the days of a warrior. I may not be perfect, but definately I am not a quitter got to hang on and finish the race. Let it be that I mount up with wings like eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint.
Yeah van, feeling cloud 9. Let it be that every week it shall be in this way.
Friday, October 21, 2005
♥ 4:57 PM
Spinning: "I Need You Now" - Firehouse
On Tuesday, went makan with Yongheng, Hensa and surprise surprise met John while we were at Raffles. Along with John we went to had lunch at an Indian restaurant. The food there was not bad. Something new for the taste bud. Went to funan after that, was talking about some technology stuffs. Had a great fellowship time with them, in the end after what John told me, I decide to fork out my money to get the casing for my pod the same casing as his or something similar.
Anyway finally resume work today. Tmr working again. At least for now funds are rolling in again after a brief period of rest for 1 week.
An empty feeling each night..the longing in my heart, when will it be met? It seem stupid what vanessa says but it sound true. Just 1 sec is enough..wed or sun. Please Lord.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
♥ 4:25 PM
Spinning: " I Was Born To Love You" - Queen
The lyrics to this song. So nice!
I was born to love youWIth every single beat of my heartYes, I was born to take care of youEvery single day...*I was born to love youWith every single beat of my heartYes, I was born to take care of youEvery single day of my lifeYou are the one for meI am the man for youYou were made for meYou're my ecstasyIf I was given every opportunity I'd kill for your loveSo take a chance with meLet me romance with youI'm caught in a dreamAnd my dream's come trueIt's so hard to believe This is happening to meAn amazing feelingComin' through-*RepeatI wanna love youI love every little thing about youI wanna love you, love you, love youBorn- to love youBorn- to love youYes I was born to love youBorn- to love youBorn- to love youEvery single day- of my lifeAn amzing feeling Comin' through*RepeatYes I was born to love youEvery single day of my lifeGo, I love you babeYes, I was born to love youI wanna love you, love you, love youI wanna love youI get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonelyYeah, I want to love youYeah, give it to me
Thanks carol. Finally got this version from Queen. Much more soothing to the ear. Was comtemplating to get the album today. Out with Lincoln, Wei Ming and Yongheng. Anyway something ruin the whole day and that was the lost of Lincoln's hp. Anyway realise being out with them was real great. Knew them close to 2 years (except for yongheng) but this is the first time like I almost everyday see Lincoln and Weiming. Enjoy their company and fellowship. Tmr gonna have lunch with Hensa and Yongheng at city hall area. Meeting 1 at CH.
Monday, October 17, 2005
♥ 5:59 PM
Spinning: "I Was Born To Love You" - Freddie Mercury
Sigh...finally got my song that I wanted "I Was Born To Love You" however this is another version sang by freddie mercury. Prefer to have the Queen's version though but for now got to make do with this version. This song is accompany with a cool lyrics.
Anyway whole week is really argh...first time for the whole week the journey to the end the week did not turn out as the previous week. Something was missing. Hopefully it does not continue on for the next coming weeks.
Anyway feeling super tired now did not get much sleep, but still hanging on because realise did not blog for long. This week, don't think I did much except going out with my members most of the time. That is cool, did not manage to spend much time with them anyway but it was great to catch up with them during my soon ending holiday but my members start of the holiday argh!!! Today was suppose to collect the journals as usual I was late again how many times I also not sure, got to seriously look into this area. Anyway service was superb once again. More or less is a wake up call for me, to bring myself to another level gonna try out praying when I get up and before I sleep. Looking back hey God you are good, good to me, revelation upon revelation but yea that ain't enough I just wanna spend more time in your courtyard sitting down beside you talking, fellowship, to be able to come under your round table to discuss important stuffs. Shall start it today, even though I am practically physically worn down! How true it is all great man/woman of God they pray and pray for only through prayer will you hear God himself, where you wil understand how His heart beats.
Anyway Kinda of frustrated today with the seating arrangment during service. Was expecting to sit in for another dynamic session with Pastor Kong but argh...somehow my row was super pack up. For the first time in service felt super uncomfortable because really my row is like "water cannot seep in anymore", "people like mountain, people like ocean". Hopefully I don't exprience it anymore.
Finally accomplish my task that was given to me by my dear good old buddy. Thought I could not fulfill it because forgot to bring some required stuffs..but help was on the way. Now to surprise him! This task is the birthday present he requested from me. Mayb should add something more erm shall go and think abt it.
Surprise of surprises...receive a shirt from dear Oh Carol. Is been long since I receive something from her. But to come to think of it I also hardly give her anything. Shall think hard about it. Got a shirt from her devil poke angel. Still thinking how to wear this shirt. Not easy especially having to see the devil poke the angel. At least this shirt breathe in new life to my wardrobe. Is like a trillion years since I add something in to my wardrobe. Actually I was baffle as why I receive a shirt too, thought about it hard but hey if you are reading this yup really thanks for the shirt no worries no sweats I will wear it. Appreciate what you have sown into this friendship hopefully it bear fruits and I don't let you down.
Never do this before from now on mayb you know put a closing spin off.
Spin..n.n..o.....f......off: "I Will Always Love You" - Whitney Houston (Bodyguard OST)
Thursday, October 13, 2005
♥ 8:19 PM
Spinning: "When A Man Loves A Woman" - Michael Bolton
Finally got back my Ipod after 1 month. The service sure took long but it does not matter to me because I got a brand new one back. This time gonna make sure I take good care of my Ipod. Not even a single scratches is gonna be found on my Ipod. Good thing my Ipod is back now whenever I travel at least my trusty companion is with me, keeping me in company. Thank God at least I need not reinstall my itune or anything all my songs are not lost, just need to update it only. Phew...
Had a haircut on monday I think totally screw up my hair. Doesn't matter whether is it the hair stylist fault or is it my fault it does not matter anymore cause there is nothing I can do. Comtemplating to cut my hair to botak. But quite tight nowadays. See how...
Manage to go out with my 2 cgms on monday, had a good time with them. Don't really spend much time out with my cgms except for my good friends. Anyway went to catch Corpse Bride, the show was great but abit dull. Anyway that aside, what I wanna say is enjoy my cgms company, don't mind being out with them again. Though we met again today after bible study. Argh...is like we have seen each other 4 times in less than a week. Argh...I think I should devote my time to other cgm if not my head would be on the chopping board.
Anyway today after bible study, went fellowship with my cg. After which, lincoln, weiming and myself we went to window shop. Abt 9.30 at HMV, manage to found this song which I fell in love with. "I was born to love you" - Queen. It happen to be the theme song for Pride on channel U which just ended. Was thinking of really getting that album Queen Jewel but in the end did not but I don't mind if any kind people out there wanna bless me with that cd. Can't wait to have this song in my music data.
Bravo and cheers to england, fantastic match against the poles. Got to run, my aircon sigh...really cannot make it liao have been sick for the last 1 month got to attend to it now.
Monday, October 10, 2005
♥ 5:25 PM
Spinning: "The Moment" - Kenny G
Today was kinda of discouraging day for me personally. My cgl cum zone supervisor spoke to me after the birthday celebration for yongheng. Was feeling quite down during my time in church after service...Vanessa said I look angry...actually was angry with myself. Basically it was about faithfulness. It was not the first time Charmaine spoke to me about this area. Was affected by it and was thinking about it in my mind till I came home and spoke to Charmaine online.
Part of our conversation:
Tat Kwek: can i ask u how can i be more faithful
Charmaine: the bible say 3 things... money, little things, another man's things
and it continue...
Charmaine: the your problem is not jus faithfulness... its not being teachable, cos i have to repeat myself so many times and u still keep repeating the same mistake, wat is faithfulness and being teachable to you?
Tat Kwek: faithfulness to me is being in faithful in everything no matter whether is it a big or small issue teachable to be more open reflect and let the word sink in and not cont to walk in the same old way but change in your ways
Charmaine: so how come what i tell u didnt sink in?
Tat Kwek: for me whatever that you tell me i bear it in mind and try to correct my ways, i try my best to change but than i think the effort that i put in is not there. thats y the change was not there. for me, everytime when u talk to me i always tell myself not to commit the same mistake but than it keep on repeating, at one point now i look back it really just show how much convicted i am by the word and how much of effort i wan to put in to make the change
Charmaine: perhaps u try to change out of fear and not faith, if u change becos u are afraid tt if u make the same mistake u'll be reprimanded by me... then that's out of fear
Tat Kwek: ya i think i was bounded by fear, and tried to change because of fear
Charmaine: watever that's not of faith will not please God... even if u change, the change wont last
During the conversation, my spirit wasn't lifted up. I come to think of it really fear had creep into my life and all the changes that I have is made purely by fear. Made a decision that from now on I wanna change not out of fear but by faith, to prove to my leader, myself and God and not blow up any chances and take Charmaine's grace for granted. I am really thankful that despite all my blunders, all my messing up in things, and not being found faithful, Charmaine continue to stand by me. One thing she said really lifted my spirit up alot "that's becos i believe u can make it... that's why u must not do things in fear but in faith"
Today event really made me think alot. Ever since I made a decision to want to become a cgl the journey towards to fulfill my dream became tough. 2 months ago the first thought of stepping down as a helper enter my mind, than the following week it came again. Thought of wanting to step down after today event...but God seem to remind me to persevre on. Remind me of the pass sermon that were preach before the invisible riches of tenacity. Reminded me that a champion is not someone who never fails but someone who never quits. 2 wrongs do make 1 right. Bible says that "For many are called, but few are choosen"...since God have called me why should I doubt, why should I run away when problems arises. For many are called but few are choosen, let it be that I am both called and choosen and not one who is just called but not choosen because at the last minute I choose to run away from my problem.
Really to all who aspire to be a leader in your own ministry, cg helper, etc persevere till the end. Run the race with endurance. Fight the good fight of faith and not back down when face with problems. For 2 Cor 4 say everything is subject to change so does your probs. Don't doubt your position in Christ...you can make a choice not to live under people's shadow, walk out of it like how I walk out of it.
Hey Van thanks alot...that verse has become a verse where I meditate on with other verses. Thanks for the enouragement! Yeah hopefully one day after the constant moulding and pressure under heat I will emerge a better leader.
Thanks too Sher, always never fail to show concern whenever you heard something about me. Truely a friend indeeed in times of need. At least I know you are one friend I can turn to when I am down. THanks.
Thanks Carol, saw your blog thanks for really showing care and concern. Know that I can always turn to you. Thanks alot. I believe too that every discipleship is too strengthen my foundation to become a much more better leader. Anyway every discipleship to me is a way to build up on my foundation. Because Charmaine care about me thats why she bother to do it, if not she would not even bother too.
So people out there don't resent discipleship...let every word sink into your heart and make the changes!
Saturday, October 08, 2005
♥ 5:30 PM
Spinning: "Baby I Am So Sorry" - Alex Toh
Let me see. Lets recap! On Monday, went to take my supp paper things did not turn out well, don't think will pass it. Straight after my supp paper went to orchard. Surprise that Yongheng also said he wanted to go down to orchard to collect his pay so met him. Had dinner with him. Went to orchard for a reason, wanted to see something but did not manage to. Felt that monday wasn't a good day. Before I made my way home went to catch a movie wanted to catch Corpse Bride but instead caught the preview of Devil Reject. I think it was worth my 7 dollar considering the prequel House of 1000 corpse by far the worst film I ever watch. Tuesday went to work, had a super headache which continue to the next day. Wednesday was suppose to go and take my 2nd supp paper but I did not fallen ill, went for BS, aft BS had dinner. Learnt something, no matter what happen at least shld go and attempt the paper. So next sem got to repeat my eng maths and fund. Thursday had to wake up at 3.45am because need to start work at 5am. It was tiring at first, the hardest thing to do each morning is to be fully awake. Work from 5am to 11am and immediately went home to rest. 3pm got up and return to work again. THough working early is kinda of like absurb but seriously speaking I don't mind working on morning shift again. Kinda of fun and easy to earn the money also.
Felt the after effect of a long working hours. Could barely woke up today to start the day. My member came at 2 plus wanted to sleep longer but with him around playing the guitar decide to finally get out of my bed. Today was suppose to have a helper's meeting but because I forgot to inform bing thus I cause it to be canceled. Felt bad, my member had to rush down from SOT just for her to realise that is cancel at 4.30. CG was great as usual. Glad that my best friend Yongheng is slowly moving on in the cg, led worship for the first time. A sign of greatness. For me I will continue to wait with a active patience. Know that one day the day will come.Yongheng's birthday next thurday now than realise. So fast, thinking of having a dinner with him of course my treat on thursday but got to depend on which day I am not working. Still deciding to treat him a meal or give him a present. Mayb I should ask him himself. Vanessa asked me to sigh...go attend one surprise birthday celeb but sigh...I not say very excited for it leh still pondering whether anot to go. What if it clash with the celeb I am having with Yongheng? Don't wanna think about it now, think about it next week when I know my working schedule.
Time for me to log off from here and mayb read some book before I go to bed. Got a long day tmr.
Monday, October 03, 2005
♥ 7:37 PM
Spinning: "Thank God I Found You" - 98 Degrees feat. Mariah Carey
Sunday...did not do much. Even my parents were syrprised I am back home so early today. I think they got use to me coming home late on Sunday. Did not manage to hang out with my buddies from church one of the rare cases. Nvm anyway I was super tired, physically worn down. Few hours later still need to go back to school and do my supp paper. Mayb I should go down to Taka after that see am I tired anot.
Anyway was suppose to study for my supp paper thats why I am suppose to wake up at 2.30am. But instead of studying I watch my date with a vampire 3. After blogging, I shall embark on my journey to study.
Finally manage to sleep early. The Vanessa ah...sigh...like no heart like that. Just because I am tired wanna go home early and not go out say I no life. Sigh..with friends like that really no need enemy liao.
Can't agree more with the masses, today message was great. Was solid. Was having a small chat with my good buddy Yongheng about today service conducted by Pastor Tan. Felt that Pastor Tan now got the "seh" of Rev Ulf Ekman. Presence of God was super strong. Enjoy the free worship at the end of the service that was where the presence of God move so strongly and so freely. Looking at how Pastor Tan lead today, inspire me to review the way I conduct my prayer meeting. Got to bring it to new heights. Probably one day, get someone to accompany the guitar with an electric guitar when I lead the prayer meeting.
Ok time for me to head off to the book.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
♥ 7:13 PM
Spinning: "I Live My Life For You" - Firehouse
Couldn't get to sleep. Past few days it seem that I am suffering from insomnia. Very tired and very much want to get enough rest but it just seem that I can't enter into dreamland. Been going to bed at 6 plus and 7 plus in the morning for the past 2 days.
Anyway this week is coming to an end. Been working for 2 days this whole week. Work was kinda of fun, and I must say not much to do either. Though I start work at 3 - 11 it seem that I am only working for 4 hours only nothing much to do. Kinda of enjoy where I am right now. Working environment not bad. People down there also quite not bad. The pay is definately good too. Looks like it won't be long before I manage to hit my target of saving $1000.
Felt kinda of happy, spend some time writing an email for my friends in the same zone as me. Though I don't know how many people will be impacted by it but at least I thank God for giving me the idea of sending an email to encourage the people in the same zone. Like what Pastor Benny Hinn says in one of his healing crusade, the crusade will be a success as long as one got heal and witness by all the power of God. Similarly for myself I am adopting the same attitude as long as one gets encourage by that email, the purpose of me sending the email would be met. Thank God, Sherylyn was encourage by it. Was worrying whether my mail would be receive by the others anot because still quite new in using gmail to send mass emails attached with huge files. Anyway all fear subsided when Sherylyn told me she was encourage by it.
Sigh...did not know that tmr would be my first supp paper. Did not even know until about 1 plus in the morning. Not prepare but I am determine to just do well with my supp paper. First year in this school after 5 years in sec, the thought of sitting for a supp paper is definately not good. Manage to talk to my cgl cum zone supervisor, got to make it my goal that in the 3 years in poly I am not going to take anymore supp paper. Don't wanna give the people a chance to say precisely you spend to much time in church, doing church stuffs, thats why you can't pass. Nonetheless during times of need at least I can look for Sherylyn and Carol to help me brush up with my Eng Maths and Fund. Such a short notice, I am glad they did not reject me when I approached them to teach me do a last min chop chop revision. Both of them great friends indeed. Though kinda of feeling bad holiday period still ask them to teach me. So on Monday and Wednesday papers, I am going to put in my best of the best effort.
Lastly I wanna really give credit to Vanessa for spending her precious time to help me with my blog. Help me with the blog skin and stuffs. Thanks alot sister.
