Sunday, September 07, 2008
♥ 5:07 AM
jus came home from my grandfather wake. did sentry with my mom and aunt. probably in like 2 hours i will have to wake up and most probably go and get my pop ticket from my friend. decide to ask my parents to attend and help my mom forget and ease her pain and see me pass out from bmtc.
at the wake my bro reveal this week he had a big and sort of nasty quarrel with my dad. i don come from a family that uses vulgarities. i am not perfect as well because i do admit that under extreme frustration in camp i will just blurt it out to myself. but my stand is nv use all these words on anybody. i am not saying this is right and like i was telling my friends this is my flaw and i wanna change and not even blurt out such words under extreme frustration or during unfair punishments.
from my mom i realise why i need to change. she was telling me how rebellious we were when we were young but did they ever use vulgarities on us? got me to think alot how we have grown to be more disrepectful. because my bro was angry and frustrated such words are use. if i can curb and discipline myself i will not worry abt finding myself in such position in future.
i remember probably 3 weeks ago i was having a conversation with my malay platoon friend and we were discussing abt our studies. i nv thought of going abroad to study but ever since i enlisted with the army i started to think differently. considered going abroad to study. i know that my big bro is gonna apply and my twin bro wants and shld be most likely going as well to study oversea.
was driving home from the wake when i had this conversation with my mom. from there i found out what happen and also finally a secret i had kept for my bro from my family was revealed on this conversation. is another shock for my mom. is like one thing after another happening.
with this i have decided to abandon any thought of going oversea to study but to stay in singapore and explore other possibilities. in the end one of us will still have to stay back to be around.
since i am nv that interested in studying i shall just stick ard probably learn the ropes from my dad and mom and probably work towards my previous goal to work part time and study at the same time. is not like i view it as a lost not able to go oversea study but i think i rather serve my duties here.
i don really think i am the perfect son or anything. i don deny i made a lot of mistakes in life and disappoint my parents big time most of the time. but like i say ever since my mom op i learn to cherish them. with the sudden departure of my grandfather make me treasure them even more.
i can nv make up to them for what they have sacrifice for me. but if really both my brothers are going oversea to study i will definately stay back help out in the family business and explore other avenue regarding my studies here.
was thinking what have i done for my parents these past few weeks. actually not much in my 21 years. was thinking of dropping my parents a msg probably next thursday or friday to tell them meet for dinner. since i would also be getting my allowance from saf on the 10th.
time to show a little care and concern for my parents. even as i hear them talked abt my uncle and aunties already retired but they are still working hard not for themselves but for us. slowly step by step time to really be a real son to them.
