Sometimes a smile means more than a dozen roses

Saturday, March 08, 2008

♥ 11:46 PM

went down to dempsey hill again and visit the ben & jerry. some pic of the ranch. this time went with 3 of my good lady friends and of course daniel as well. is just a chilling session our norm friday night out together. just relax and talk. i think that everybody shld at least go that place once although is really very very inaccessible without a car. but that place is good to chill out.

before i left house, i was in my mom room and she was having this conversation with my big bro. and from the conversation i found out that my mom is going for operation this coming May because my bro call it tumor since and my mom forgotten what is it called in medical terms.

it was first discovered in 2005 but at that time it was small so after consulting a few doc she decide nt to op. but wed she went for checkup the doc say the tumor double in size. thank God is not cancerous yet. my dad wanted her to take it out this month but she does not want to because my aunt going to london to work and no one will be taking my grandpa to hospi for his appointment.

was quite affected by the news and is quite hard to swallow such news. yest and today i was thinking alot. i jus feel that i am not mature and jus not doing enough for my family. wed i was like nt very happy because start of this week i told my mom there is nth at home already because there are times that i will cook. and since i was starting work on thursday i was like thinking if don go on wed no one will be able to accompany her go supermarket also. so i wanted her to do it on wed but she told me she already made an appointment with the doc.

i did not know anything until yest. so i was a bit not very happy also. thinking back i just feel so childish and immature. nv spare a thought for my mom. i feel that i am a family kind of person but i don show it out as well. always show those heck care heck care attitude. but maybe i just don express it well infront of my family. but towards my friend i just am able to do it.

decide to stop working at the end of april so i can be there for my family during may. the only thing now i hope for is i don get call in for army anytime now. just wanna spend more time with my family. also dunno my bro can get leave from army anot.

before i left hse to give bs..i was preparing for my games when i saw my dad who was reading the papers. all of a sudden i jus feel he aged alot. he looked tired. my brothers and me we are in our early twenties and to some of my friends my parents are considered young because my mom is just turning 41 this year and my dad is 51. but today when i reached home after cg my mom jus look so tired like she was sick but it could be she just woke up.

technically speaking is time for them to slow down and enjoy what they are doing instead of still working so that me and my brothers we can have a secure future in future. my dad once told me he and my mom can just retire now and not worry abt money because just from all the rents he collect each month they can live comfortably. but is because of us that i feel they are still working hard although not as hardworking 21 years ago.

now all i want is to be less of a burden and also try nv to have a quarrel anymore. i mean we do quarrel once in a few months over some trival matter but i just feel there is no need to argue anymore. but to treasure one another. this latest medical scare just make me see things in a different light that my parents are getting older and are vulnerable to such things. what is the point of arguing.

was quite affected even when i was giving bs, during cg and after cg. but while giving bs touched on the chpt "the Lord's prayer" was so bless because i was reminded about one thing that God is our healer. while i was preaching i was declaring it as well. i am no doctor but the one thing i can do is just pray pray pray from now till may for my mom. is jus that the last couple of years so many things happen. with my grandpa op, my dad's op, my big bro, my dad who had stitches just above his eyes because of an incident and he is a diabetic but thank God he recovered from it and now my mom i just feel that so many things happening.

after the busy march is over, probably can spend more time at home since i have to attend a few rehearsals. just wanna be there at home now.

led games and offering. thanks jas, for the game. now most of us will look for dan or jas because their sister will always have alot of ideas for games and we can just ask them and use it for cg. if she nv help me i think i no need to slp already. well most of them know that i like to play sabo for my game because i enjoy it haha but this time round decide to "bluff" them a bit. decided that there will be no sabo although i told them there will be. went to buy a bag of gummy sweet for the "losers" before cg start. if not it becomes quite predictable everytime i lead game they will expect sabo.

after cg asked char how was it she said that game and offering is gd but can improve on the offering. some of them told me my offering is gd but the starting and the ending i know i kindda goof it up. well will better it the next time. looking forward to lead more before i go into army.

shld get some rest since there is service and have to report back at expo at 7pm for the easter drama rehearsal. hopefully it don't end very late.